Reconnecting ..... part 1
To say 2020 hasn’t gone as planned would be a bit of an understatement. At the beginning of this year my focus was on making art and on teaching. I had intentionally delayed plans to grow my online shop and to write my second book as I wanted to slow down a bit after a hectic 2019 and spend more time with my family.
But in March everything changed. With no income from teaching I quickly switched gears and spent time developing my online shop. Like many people I really struggled to focus on anything but found comfort in printing fabric to sell.
As my focus returned I decided to take a few weeks ‘off’ to make art. The pieces that I had been working on before March felt completely irrelevant. I had zero desire to work on that series so, like many other artists, I decided to use my response to the corona virus as my inspiration. I followed my usual creative process - I chose my colours first then printed fabric before thinking about composition. Whilst I enjoyed the process the two quilts I created were a bit disappointing. In fact one of them is just plain ugly. Under normal times I would have thrown those in the bin and kept going. I felt frustrated but didn’t have the emotional strength to figure out why they weren’t ‘right’.
Instead I threw myself into writing my second book. I took breaks to teach when restrictions allowed but I can honestly say that I stopped thinking about making art. I did enter a quilt I had made at the beginning of the year into several juried exhibitions but it was rejected over and over again. Normally this would really upset me but it didn’t. I like the quilt and would happily hang it on a wall in my home but just don’t feel as connected to it as I do my earlier work.
Eventually the book was finished. Having seriously over worked myself I was forced to really slow down for a few weeks. My mind turned to making art. And I realised that I have lost my way. I have lost the sense of connection with my work and I have lost the habit of making art. My life has changed completely in recent years. I no longer work in industry, based in an old cotton mill, surrounded by heavy machinery. I work in my studio. I no longer travel around the world with my job. Even before the pandemic I barely travelled anywhere and now I spend 99% of my time inside the boundaries of our property. I no longer have a clean separation between my art and my day job. My art is, or at least should be, part of my day job.
When I changed career and started teaching it was so that I could combine being an artist, cope with the increasing care responsibilities I have and still pay the bills. I was adamant that I wanted to be an artist who taught rather than a teacher who makes the odd bit of art. It was inevitable that there would be periods when my focus was 100% on growing my teaching practice and writing books but I failed to recognise that the connection I felt to my art was in part driven by the fact that previously I worked on my art everyday not in chunks of a week here and a week there.
Local restrictions currently prevent me teaching and I fear that this will continue into the new year. I could spend this time starting my next book, creating more thermofax designs for my shop, or developing online workshops but I’m not. I’m spending the time looking inwards, trying to reconnect with my art and figuring out how I sustain this once I am able to teach.
I will write about this in more detail next time but I will share something I have done that is helping me. It is a little thing but I have, temporarily, removed the big plastic ‘Covid safe’ screens from the studio and have rearranged the tables. Whilst those screens are necessary they just make me want to cry. By removing them I feel like I am reclaiming my creative space. A little step towards reconnecting.